The past few months I’ve been deeply contemplating the notion of death and rebirth.
Death and resurrection.
And the importance, if not the sheer necessity, of choosing to die before we die.
There are myriad ways to experience the kind of death that I’m talking about, but the hardest one, the most pertinent one at this point in my individual and our collective evolutionary development, and the tender truth that I’ve personally struggled with the most, is the one where I cut my heart open and admit to myself and to others how, despite my naive “best intentions” I have often been downright selfish and destructive.
Where I recognize and empathize with the pain and heartbreak that I’ve caused to those I’m in relationship with;
Along with an acknowledgement and account of what it has actually cost me and them.
That’s a true ego death.
And one that I have been utterly unwilling to surrender to, up until now.
In part, because the selfishness and the destructiveness in my experience is obviously not the whole story. Naturally, I’m reticent to let the world to know about the darker aspects that have expressed through me.
Because of course I also have the capacity to be loving, supportive and inspiring in partnership, and all the good and yummy things too.
But, there’s also a risk that if I don’t own the more challenging stuff wholly, completely and unfiltered, I can all too easily create loopholes for my ego and/or the darker aspects of the feminine to slip through and continue reigning terror on my experience and relationships.
So I am choosing to write this as an ambassador for the Feminine, to own it on the personal level in service to my individual and our collective reclamation process. Through this partial truth being exposed and acknowledged in its raw and unfiltered fullness, my aim here is to clear the debris and create the space for new and more constructive ways of relating to emerge for us all.
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My undeniable prompt for all this arrived earlier last week when I encountered a post by Chris Bale entitled: