How Radical Self-Responsibility Is Key To Opening Our Hearts to Collaboration

Anna Margolis
8 min readMay 18, 2020

As we’ve already touched upon in some of my previous posts, in our rapidly changing world we can no longer hope to bring our visions to Life on our own.

At some point what we’re called to actualize gets TOO BIG for our personal action to support it alone, and we have to choose to expand and let more in to receive the support we need for the magnitude of our vision.

Perhaps it’s showing up as you needing some particular gift sets right now that you don’t personally have, and you need diverse perspectives to meet the design challenges that you now face.

And, if you’re honest with yourself, that’s what you really want.

You probably WANT the support, more than anything.

Because it can be really hard and kind of exhausting carrying all the responsibility for these big visions alone.

We’re simply not meant to.

But more often than not, we just don’t know how to let the support in.

We get in our own way.

And we find ourselves inadvertently butting heads with people.

Naturally, we’re protective over the visions that we’ve been cultivating, because they’re akin to our “babies”.

Especially if we’ve been in relationship with them for a number of years, it makes sense that we wouldn’t want to expose them in their infancy to anything that might threaten their well-being.

Maybe we’re crystal clear about what the organism needs and feel justified in being very uncompromising about that because we believe it’s important for us as the steward of this particular vision to maintain it in the utmost integrity.

And I get all that.

I really do.

It’s understandable and it makes sense.

Up until now at least.

It’s just not helpful as an orientation when it’s time to come into collaboration with people.

But, hang on you say.

“𝘐’𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘺 𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘦𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳:

𝘗𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘣𝘰𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐’𝘮 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨……

𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺’𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨……

𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘐’𝘮 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵…..

𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘴𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵……𝘖𝘙

𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘯, 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘥, 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐’𝘮 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘧𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥…….

𝘚𝘰 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺’𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘯𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘦’𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦?”


It’s possible those aren’t the right people.

I’m not ruling that possibility out.

Or it’s also possible you’re being possessive about your vision which is closing your heart.

In which case you’ve moved from responsible stewardship into a possessive and overprotective parent who is coming from a space of “mine-ness”.

Maybe you’re calcifying around how it needs to be and Life is inviting you to expand your perspective to incorporate others so that you can pivot what you’re doing into right alignment to receive the diverse gifts and resources needed to support the vision.

Particularly if the person you’re speaking to is someone who shares your perspective on the need for a new approach to the territory you have your attention on;

Someone who you really DO resonate and align with for the most part (if it weren’t for x, y or z);

Someone you CAN imagine collaborating with and you do or would get excited and turned on sharing your vision with;

But there’s this ONE thing, this one seeming block in their energy or openness that drives you crazy…..

And if they could just see it, let go and open to a different possibility, then you could potentially work together and you just can’t seem to get over it.

If THAT’S the case, and you’re finding yourself experiencing an abrasive and frustrated sensation in your being around it, chances are, they’re acting as a mirror for you to show you that YOUR heart is actually closed and you’re therefore blocking the resonance.

Because if we’re occupying that closed energetic in our being, then regardless of the open stance we may be taking externally and consciously, at an unconscious level we’re radiating out a signal from our hearts that’s tantamount to a protective mama Bear warning off any predators.

So you see, BOTH things are likely true (and false).

You might not have found the people yet — sure.

AND you might be pushing the right people away with the energy that you’re emitting.

It’s a paradox, you see.

And if we’re going to learn to collaborate with others, and not just get stuck in the green meme of spiral dynamics where if you’re annoying me, then you have the right to have your perspective and I have the right to have my perspective and they’re equally valid, but never the twain shall meet…..

Ultimately, that stance keeps everyone at a comfortable distance from each other working on our siloed projects and nixes any possibility of actual collaboration.

The ability to hold many perspectives and to thread the needle between polarities and paradoxes (all of which are essential elements for our evolution into second tier) involve not just recognizing that everyone’s perspective is valid (but separate), but actually being able to step fully into their shoes, empathising with their perspective, and integrating it into the whole picture.

It’s like being able to see through the Divine’s eyes in all it’s individuated expressions and all of them being beautiful and perfect in order for each of us to take full responsibility.

If we’re not able to do that, then it keeps us firmly anchored in first tier, unintegrated and unable to embody and actualize our second tier, higher level vision of a more beautiful world our hearts know is possible.

Remember how in my previous article “𝑷𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝑽𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝑾𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑼𝒏𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒂𝒍 𝑭𝒐𝒓𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑳𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝑻𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔”:

- Einstein teaches us to envision the values, principles and designs of that new world of our vision, rather than the current world;

- That vision then beckons and engenders alignment from us as individuals and as a group, with the values, principles and designs of the envisioned world, rather than of the current world; and

- We are then required to embody those values, principles and designs and to act in accordance with that new world.

This shows us that if we are creating something that is intended to actualize the more beautiful world our hearts know is possible, then we need to be embodying the values, principles and designs of that envisioned world.

Second tier values, principles and designs, including holding many perspectives, empathy and threading the needle between polarities and paradoxes.

So if we’re polarizing against someone, then we’re in an aversion response, that has us giving our power, energy and attention to avoiding someone or something, and then we’re off-centre and our heart’s closed.

Quite frankly, if your vision is at the point that you’re being called to learn to open your heart to receive the people that you need to bring your vision to fruition, then this is something you’re going to have to begin to see in yourself, take radical responsibility for and choose to let go of (and don’t be surprised if there’s a bunch of emotion that tumbles out of your system when you finally do — rest assured that’s completely normal).

And, unless you have a comfortable stockpile of cash from your family or your previous endeavors to invest (beyond any seed capital that’s already gone in), then this will be equally relevant to opening to receive the necessary investment resources to hydrate your nascent Organism too.

It’s pretty much a make or break thing.

Because our visions are getting too heavy to push uphill alone now (or with just the little support we’ve had up until now).

And if our hearts are closed to other people and money, then whatever we’re focussing our attention on isn’t going to manifest in our experience in the way we want it to anyway, because we’re not showing up as an integral vessel with an open heart that Divine Love can come pouring through to attract whatever we’re envisioning through our heart field.


So, whether you like it or not, you’re simply going to have to learn how to get along with others with continuity over time.

You’re going to have to learn how to HOLD POLARITY and PARADOX.

And if there’s someone who REALLY rubs you up the wrong way, if there’s someone in your community you REALLY can’t bear because they represent something so objectionable to you, that it has you polarising all the way in the other direction, then chances are that they hold a key to whatever you’re here to create (and vice versa).


That’s how this sh*t works people.

We don’t get to hop into integral second tier harbouring a polarised perspective that has us rejecting another individuated expression of our larger God self.

We’re going to have learn to thread the needle of paradox by recognising that since we are 100% responsible for creating our reality, then something inside of us is calling what we’re experiencing forth in other people, to allow us to clear it within us, teach us to open our heart and come into alignment to embody our vision of the more beautiful world.

And the same is true of the other person. We are showing up in their reality for the same purpose.

So, essentially we are all mirrors and teachers for each other.

And we are here in this perfect human play providing each other with the gift of coming into full self-responsibility, to thread the needle of paradox, so we can transcend first tier, into second tier and actually open ourself to receive people and resources to power our vision from the Heart.

So it’s really up to you if you want to keep expending energy that could be being invested in creative and collaborative pursuits, blaming other people for something that makes you uncomfortable in your experience, entrenching yourself in your rightness, making them the bad guy, and polarising off your centre.

Ultimately it’s you and your vision that pay the price by you choosing to stay in that state.

It really comes down to how committed you are to your vision, your development and the more beautiful world?

Because when you can take self-responsibility for what’s coming up in your reality as a reflection of something within you, stop perceiving yourself as a victim to some circumstance or someone outside of yourself, then your heart can open to both people and resources and true collaboration in devotion to your vision becomes possible in your experience.

Personally I’m invested to working with those who are working towards a big vision and are ready to take self-responsibility for what’s happening in their experience so that they can step up and play a bigger game.

If that sounds like you, DM me for an exploratory connection call and I’d be happy to connect to see how we can play together.



Anna Margolis

As a former lawyer, Anna merges material world memories, tales of transformation and embodied experience in articulating the future of collaboration